When one accomplishes a major milestone, it is usually a reason to feel jubilant or even celebratory. Today I feel neither despite the significant accomplishment that has finally fallen. And in the end, I can only look back at the last year of my life and wonder what the hell it was all for.
Kicking, scratching, clawing - doing anything I can to make this project successful. Working incredibly long hours, several weekends. Dealing with an adversarial vendor through negotiations. It all piled up and amounted to simply too much for one person to undertake.
I actually never thought I had it in me. I’ve never aspired to write a novel, and have had no intention of putting word to paper in long form. It is just something that I didn’t feel was in the cards for me.
But as I look back at this last year, I’ve written a 300+ page thesis. Does it qualify as a magnum opus? Hell I hope not. Who ever thought a business contract could be referred to with such eloquence? Not I!
It was a year without much by way of hobbies, social interaction or really much of anything. Ever since I got back from Europe in July of last summer, it has been full throttle on a hell project that started before my vacation ever began.
My personal projects? Who has time for that.
Keeping up with all of my friends? Who has time for that.
Feeding my brain something new to exercise it? Who has time for that.
Maintaining physical fitness? Who has time for that.
Spending real quality time with the family? Unfortunately who has time for that.
I can go on and on in this line, and as I re-read them they all wrap of excuses. But today marks the real turning point. The contract has been executed. I can put it to rest.
And now that I have spent one year of my life that I cannot get back on this project, I’m left trying to pick up the pieces that are my real life. I’m not sure where to begin, but it is a journey I’m undertaking starting with today. I thank my wife and friends for understanding and being patient with me. I indeed appreciate this fact more than words can express.